Thursday, January 5, 2012

MY World

I have a headache and a commitment to not finding anything about THE world to write about. Instead, I'm going to write about MY world. That personal world which I'm not supposed to write about on Noi6 because people there don't go to read about my goals. Hello if you come from Thinks!

My world is divided, by way of to-do lists and goals, into 5 categories.

0 Writing
0 Reading
0 Learning
0 Growth
0 Random
These categories fluctuate in importance depending on the task and/or my motivation for each. You'll notice that instead of schoolwork I specified Learning. Schoolwork leaves a different taste in the mouth— but learning includes reading in French, increasing my vocabulary, learning physics, etc. Growth means implementing habits and becoming a better person. Others are self-explanatory.

During my Character Hard Truth today (which is more of tell-me-your-secrets than anything else), I decided to find out something about myself— and promptly sat down in a short interview.

One thing I found out is that it's a lot easier when you're looking for a character's secret than your own— trying to figure out Ellen's (from Riddle Rose) greatest fear, for instance, is much easier than trying to figure out something I don't know about myself and putting it into words.

Which leads to this post.

If I didn't have a to-do list, I wouldn't be doing half the things I am doing.

And, which, now I think of it, leads to this one:

If I didn't have projects, I wouldn't be doing anything.

It's been called obsessive, this taking on of projects (and it does border on the obsessive), but I need to do things… to exercise some control of my own— I need a routine. I need the stability that doesn't come with moving all around the world, changing hotel rooms, schedules, time zones, and climate, sometimes all at once. By etablishing at least a small routine, I can take something back for myself. I can check things off (like I did in school), make a plan, and exercise my right to change it.

I can't do that while traveling. I never could— at times I can exercise my right to say 'NO,' and stay home, or postpone going out for a few hours… but beyond that? Nothing. We have planes and trains to catch, places to go, things to see, and most of the time I have to go with the flow. By having projects, I can organize my time, be busy… etc. If I procrastinate… that's okay. I'll make up for it later. I have a whole year to do all these things in! And if I'm not fulfilling one of these goals in lieu of searching up something completely unrelated on the internet, or reading interesting articles… it means I need a break.

I promise you all! I'm not overworking myself. I'm not going nuts. I'm trying to attain normalcy again, in the only way I can.

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